Your Speech Is The Donut, Not The Hole

There are countless studies trying to determine how much of your personality is nature and how much is nurture. You can spend all day reading endless articles and books on the subject, but in my opinion, none of that really matters. While your upbringing and past experiences may have shaped who you were, they don’t have to define who you are today. Who you are right now is a result of who you decide to be today.

Many people who struggle with stuttering can remember the exact moment it began. For some, it was triggered by trauma, like the loss of a loved one or a major life change such as moving across the country or switching schools. Personally, I’m not sure where mine started. When I was about four years old, I witnessed an attempted assault, and I’ve always wondered if that might have played a role—but who can really say for sure? The truth is, we all have a story and maybe even someone or something to blame, but focusing on the past won’t bring you closer to a better future.

Every day, we wake up and make a choice about who we’re going to be and how we’ll react to the world around us. I’ll be honest—most mornings my reaction isn’t great until I’ve had my coffee. But I still try to start each day with a “glass half full” attitude—to see the donut, not the hole—and look for the good in everything. This is the only way to live if you want to keep improving. If you judge your entire day by its worst moment, you’ll end up believing every day is bad or terrible, and eventually, you’ll sink into self-pity. At WSSA, we define a “bad stuttering incident” as a situation where a stranger could clearly tell you have a speech impediment. That’s actually a pretty low bar—most people don’t care much about how you speak; they care about what you’re saying. So stop zooming in on every little stutter and start seeing the bigger picture. View your speech through the lens of “How fluent was I today?” instead of “Oh no, I stuttered again.”

Many people struggle with the idea of self-curing because of this mindset. They give themselves a failing grade every time they have a small stumble, even when no one else notices. So approach each day with a positive attitude, give your best effort, and accept that small setbacks are part of progress. Always remember to see the donut, not the hole.

We only die once, but we live every day.